So,
It's been a while since I've gone bouncing through the headlines just to see what's out there. Let's see what we have, shall we?
Apparently, the president gave a State of the Union address recently. People are still talking about it. I didn't watch for two reasons:
A. I'm sure all I would have heard is, "blah, blah, blah, blah, America is great, blah, blah."
B. I get tired of all of the clapping. First, what they say isn't really that cool. Second, it's just empty words. Third, it's like a 5-minute speech with 25 minutes of clapping. I've got better things to do than listen to clapping, like write this blog.
Geoffrey Anderson of the Huffington Post says that what I missed out on was The Great and Powerful Oz outlining something called, "Smart Growth." This smart growth is the next greatest thing since Sputnik and it's going to mean rainbows and butterflies for everyone.
It sounds a lot like spot reducing for 6-pack abs. You do 500 sit ups a day but continue to double-fist deep fried twinkies washed down with mega-super-supreme Big Gulps of Dr. Pepper ("Would you like to up-size that for $.25"?) but by targeting the abs like this, you'll be on the cover of a fitness magazine in no time. Promise.
Speaking of deep fried twinkies, Social Security is going to tank by at least $600 billion over the next ten years. Geoffrey didn't mention how smart growth was going to offset this but I'm sure that it will. My smart phone can make phone calls and works as a GPS (Hi, Jane honey), so smart growth can probably create jobs out of thin air and magically undo foolhardy budgetary problems that everyone is afraid to address. Until someone starts talking about how to stop funding entitlement programs and world domination, Obama can do all the smart sit ups that he wants. Ain't no way his budget or economy is getting six pack abs.
The Republicans are actually talking about Medicare because smart growth is only going to go so far ("so far" being a code word for "nowhere" but anyway . . .). Their idea is to go to a voucher program where they give seniors a fixed amount and then the seniors can spend that fixed amount each month in the private market for insurance. This will obviously save money because seniors will start dropping like flies as health costs, driven up by government interference, quickly become unaffordable for everyone holding a voucher. By setting a fixed amount instead of covering actual healthcare, it saves money on the front end, and by reducing the number of seniors by letting them die off, even more money will be saved on the back end. This plan will actually save boatloads of money.
I suspect this idea will die somewhere along the trip toward becoming a bill. Letting seniors die off is not politically correct, after all.
Speaking of not politically correct, the Touching Sex-parts Agency made the news again. It seems that a TSA employee took home over 1,000 knives, corkscrews, nail clippers, and other items that had been seized from dangerous old ladies with long fingernails (who will then be screwed if they get an ingrown nail while on the voucher system).
They don't say why the guy stole all the items. Maybe he was starting his own eBay store as part of the Smart Growth plan. By stealing his inventory, he greatly reduces his overhead. That's smart.
The officer was suspended without pay for 10 days.
You know? My department is in charge of taking care of all the lost and found property that is left behind by guests. It turns out to be quite a bit of stuff. Anyway, I've fired officers for stealing one set of $2.00 cheap-o, from a C-store, pair of reading glasses. If you're going to risk your job for $2.00, I can't trust you and you're gone.
Do you trust TSA workers that don't steal?
Good point. A 10-day handslap, it is. Moving on.
Here's something that you don't hear everyday (as opposed to "The TSA is unethical" which could be an hourly thing if you wanted), scientists believe that oral sex may lead to tonsil cancer.
Can political interns get on a voucher system for cancer insurance?
Apparently, the human papillomavirus (or HPV to we scientists - What? I study oral sex) can be transmitted by having oral sex but not by french kissing, which makes me doubt that the scientists know what they are talking about. Well, that, and this statement:
". . . said Hartig. 'I don't know why they're having more oral sex . . ."
Someone, please give Scientist Hartig a blow job so he understands why people are having more oral sex.
Do blow jobs cause Smart Growth?
Hey, not in the news but in my inbox, the word of the day from Dictionary.com was Jobbery - the conduct of public or official business for the sake of improper private gain.
So, you're saying that a politician getting oral sex from an intern is getting a Blow Jobbery?
And, I suppose I should end for the night (yes, please end for the night - Shut up!) by pointing out that Charlie Sheen was hospitalized. I don't know why and I don't care but I did learn something new. Charlie Sheen is America's highest paid TV actor. Is it just me or does that seem extremely weird? I've never seen his show. Have any of you seen his show? Is it worth the price?
Okay, I had to know so I went back to read the article. Sheen was apparently hospitalized because he was laughing so hard that he aggravated a hernia.
He must read your blog.
I may have to put up a disclaimer:
"Warning: The Surgeon General has determined that reading this blog may lead to the aggravation of an existing hernia but has also determined that it does not transmit HPV (unless you lick your monitor while this blog is open in your browser)."
***
Follow me on Twitter to get updates on when new posts show up on this blog (plus get random thoughts on the life of Success Warrior) and feel free to "friend" me on Facebook.
Success Warrior is an Independent BeachBody Coach for BeachBody.com, a company that offers fitness programs, supplements, and equipment that have absolutely changed my life.
Have you heard of P90X? That's BeachBody. They also have Insanity, Turbo Jam, TurboFire, RevAbs, Brazil Butt Lift, and many more. They have some of the best exercise programs on the market. These aren't just DVDs but are complete programs to transform your body. They also have the hugely popular, and what they call "the most important meal of the day", Shakeology. Go HERE to learn the most inexpensive way to get Shakeology.
They have equipment and supplements in addition to Shakeology and popular exercise programs. Visit BeachBody.com and click on the "Shop" link to see everything they offer.
There is also a business side to all this fitness that you can take advantage of. Whether you're looking to just make a couple hundred extra dollars in fun money or are looking to take complete financial control of your life, BeachBody can help you get there. If you have a desire to be more fit and would love to help other people do the same while making some money at it, visit BeachBody.com and click on the "Coach" link. Team up with me and I'll help you reach your goals, in fitness and finance.