I wasn't always a member of the congregation. I was a non-believer. I was a non-believer for 33 years, in fact. I wanted to believe, I really did. Intellectually, I understood the benefits but emotionally, I wasn't ready. Since becoming a member of the congregation, personal responsibility has helped define my life. It doesn't answer all the questions in life or solve all the problems but it has helped me deal with them better. At least, I'd like to think I have dealth with them better. It just took a long time for me to get here.
The seeds were there long ago, I believe.
I remember contemplating going into the military. My dad served in the Navy for about 27 years. My best friend went into the Air Force. I had always wanted to be a fighter pilot (not a lot of civilian options there).
I remember my first day in Air Force ROTC. Some guy walked in that I didn't know, some one elsed yelled, "Attention!", and we all stood up. He said some things and left. I don't remember what he said or what the instructor said after him. I just remember thinking, "I can't live a life where people tell me when to stand up and sit down, eat, go to the bathroom, where I'm going to live, and when I'll move to the next place they want." I left the class and never went back.
I did feel regret giving up my childhood dream but the price was too high for me. Little did I know just how much it would cost me down the road.
Don't think that this means that every person that joins the military is avoiding personal responsibility. It means nothing of the sort. My dad enjoyed being in the military and chose to re-up over and over and I enjoyed being a Navy brat. Moving was fun and I didn't care where we lived. After meeting Rick, I was glad that my dad was in the Navy. San Diego, Honolulu, Seattle, London all beat the hell out of Grand Forks and Minot, North Dakota, from the way he described them. And lucky him, after he joined, he got to go back to that beautiful country where he spent part of his childhood.
I didn't know anything about Personal Responsibility when I made that decision. I was just thinking about my freedom to choose. For me, it turns out that the two are very closely connected.
All it means is that I was making the best choice for me for what I wanted or at least, avoiding what I didn't want. It would be a long, long time before I would find out what I wanted even though I already knew what I wanted.
***
I'm sorry to break this into pieces but if you're following along with my WWAJ journal, you know I only have two days to pull everything together, which means I have to get my butt in gear. Tomorrow, I'll continue the August 6th story because I know a lot of people want to hear about that.
I've heard it said that you're a different person every 10 years. Looking back, I have to say that this is true for me. Maybe it's because enough major events happen in 10 years that you have to adapt too. Each has its own paradigm shift, some bigger than others. My list would probably look something like this:
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