Chronicles: Alan B. Rowley II - Success Warrior - ECoach - P90X

Kevin Pollak is a YouTuber

Me-Me Monday: Old & New and Tracy Lawrence and Chris Isaak

Today's meme is from Friday5 again.

1. What makes you feel old?

Sleep.  The desire to sleep.  Especially when that desire over-rides the desire for sex.  I think that's a definite sign that I'm getting old.  10 years ago, there is no way that I would have told a totally hot well-endowed nekkid blond that I was too tired.  Now, it's mumbled as I fall unconscious while my head sinks into the pillow.  That's old.

2. What makes you feel young?

Just about everything else.

Rolling Thomas the Train back and forth on the floor in JC Penney's lingerie section.  Watching Spongebob with Trey.  Running faster and lifting more than people half my age.  Feeling like I have a bright future full of endless possibilities.

3. What was better when you were allowed to do it the old way?

Nothing really. 

I did like it when my friends lived close to me.  I have friends scattered across the country and thanks to the miracle of the Internet, I'm able to keep in constant contact with them. 

4. What's better now that you do it the new way?

News via the Internet.  I'll never get news from the TV ever again.  Never.  Ever.

UnderArmour.  Love it.  Much better than the old t-shirt.

5. What's something you are old school about?

Opening the car door for my wife.  Opening doors for women, kids, and the elderly.  Saying "thank you".  Talking face to face instead of by phone or through a drive-thru.  Personal responsibility.

Lots of things that have gone out of style. 

I don't think all the blame can be put on people for these things going out of style.  There has been a movement to enslave everyone so people feel more rushed, less helpful, less community.  One person used to be able to bring in enough money to raise a family.  Now it takes two people working a couple jobs plus picking up overtime where they can if they want anything extra.

I don't believe this is in any way an accident but I'm not going to go into it now.

Sinbad

Sinbad performed last weekend, without sitting on my lap which I'm happy about.

He was funny too.

He did a lot of audience participation which I don't enjoy but he did a good job of it.  He did a lot of explaining the habits of men for the women of the audience.  Women could ask him questions and he would explain things for them.

"Why do men golf so much?"

"To get away from you."

Golf started out only having a couple of holes but it got longer to increase the amount of time men could be out.

He also explains how to put an end to the habit.

"Go with him.  It takes away the reason for going."

"Why don't men put the toilet seat down?" was a question.

"Why don't women put the toilet seat up?" was the answer.  The logic being that the person going should be responsible for adjusting the seat to where they need.  It's hard to guess who will need the toilet next so instead of guessing, each person should learn how to operate the seat function.  He said it's a fairly simple skill to learn and even demonstrated how the seat works for the women in the audience.

Outside of the show, Sinbad was a very nice guy.  He shook hands with people and visited with them briefly when he was going into the hotel.

This week is Wayne Newton and Lewis Black.

Tony Orlando, No Dawn, John Mayall, and Dave Mason

He started right off with Tie a Yellow Ribbon and moved into Knock Three Times and then went off and did all kinds of music.  Willie Nelson, George Straight, Led Zepellin, and Black Sabbath.

I also got to see the woman that does the Meow Mix meowing.  I should have gotten her autograph.  Maybe they'll come back.

The next night was John Mayall and Dave Mason.  I had never heard of either of them.

John Mayall is a father of British Blues or some such title.  Sir John Mayall, I believe.  As the father of British Blues, he's been knighted.  Many people don't know this but the reason the holy war was a complete disaster was the lack of harmonica soloists.  To make sure this doesn't happen again, Mayall was knighted.

The concert didn't sell very well and I actually sat out in the audience and watched the show.  Very enjoyable.

I ended up helping kick a drunk out at half time.  I wasn't planning on doing much of anything except watching the shows but anytime their is a disturbance in the force, they call me in to make sure things go smoothly.  And it did.

I had never heard of Dave Mason either but I had heard this song before.  Probably while cruising around in the back of the family station wagon.

Up close and personal with Rick Springfield

Rick Springfield was back for another concert over the weekend.  He puts on a great concert.  Lots of music, high energy, audience participation, and it looks like he's just having a great time.

I can kind of pick and choose which concerts I do security for.  Rick put on a great concert last time so I was planning on going.

I don't get to pick not to do security for the concerts that have a high probability for being a little rambunctious.  That means that I would have been going anyway.  I'm the guy that gets called to make sure drunks comply with instructions and also the guy that drags people off the stage.

I sit very close to the stage area where I can see everyone in the audience and where I can quickly grab anyone that jumps up on stage.  Where I sit is kind of dark and has blank curtains behind me.  I usually dress in dark clothes where I can just blend in and watch the action from the shadows.

Everything was going according to plan while Rick was doing a little group participation in singing, "Don't Talk to Strangers."  Then the plan changed.

Howie Mandel and Night Ranger (and Boobs)

Last weekend, I did security for Howie Mandel and Night Ranger (hence the title of this post). 

Things were a bit calmer at the Howie show than Carlos Mencia.  In fact, other than the woman 3 seats away from me fondling her breasts while her boyfriend went down on her, the crowd was well behaved.  She obviously liked her boobs touched because even when her boyfriend went to pee or umm, take care of other things caused by watching your girlfriend fondle her breasts or what ever he did while he was gone, she was still fondling her boobs.  Is it Howie's bald head?  I don't know.  I should have asked. 

"Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice that you've been fondling your breasts for 30 minutes.  May I ask what it is that's got your engine going?  I'd like to see if I can bottle and sell it and make a fortune."

Here's a bit that Howie Mandel did at the show.  If you watch it and fondle your breasts, it'll be just like you were there.

Women, did Bobby's voice make you hot?  Clue me in.  Would 3 or 4 daiquiris help?  I really should have asked her.

Clay Walker and Carlos Mencia

Last weekend I saw (and heard, I should point out) Clay Walker and Carlos Mencia and Carlos Mencia (he did two shows).

Clay, I apologize if you're reading this but there are few musical genres that I like less than Country music.  One of those that I do happen to like less than Country music is Country Chick music.  To his credit, he did pick up the pace around the fifth song.  Very lucky for me.  I had the belt around my neck and strapped to the balcony railing and was just stepping over to end it all when the drummer kicked in, jolting me out of the depressive-hypnosis I was under.  From there, he switched back and forth so that none of the guys in the audience overdosed on chick music.

Normally, I'm not one of those guys that takes a drink of Sprite with no syrup in it, winces back yelping, "This tastes nasty!" then hands the glass to the next person and says, "Here tries this."  I just don't feel the need to do that.  I don't need a second opinion on pop with out syrup or carbonation and I don't like to make people suffer just because I did.  In the case of Country Chick music though, I have to say, "This sounds nasty.  Listen to this."

Read on though and let me share the silver lining.

Bill Engvall does what I can't

Bill Engvall visited our concert hall again.  I didn't do security for it but I went down to watch him for a bit.  He was here probably about 6 months ago.  The first 15 minutes of his routine (routine - we'll come back to this) was different than the last show.  I didn't think it was very funny.  It was about a colonoscopy because he turned 50 this year.  I don't know if I just wasn't in the mood or if he didn't add anything new to the previous colonoscopy jokes that I have heard but I just didn't laugh much.

After that, he went into the same routine (there's that word again) that he did the last time that he was here.  I watched a little bit of it and then I left.  As I was walking past one of my security officers, I said the punchline to the next joke.

After high school, Rick and Bryce tried to get me to go into stand-up.

Showtime: Rodney Carrington

If you're patriotic, show me your boobies.

Now, why didn't I think of that?

Not so that I can see some boobies.  I don't need to travel around the country singing and telling jokes to do that.

But what a great way to make money, don't you think?  As long as you can get a few women in the crowd, you know you're going to sell the place out.  There are so many guys desperate for even a glimpse of booby that they will pay Rodney Carrington to ask women to show their breasts.

We were told before the show that he would be making that request and that would let any flashing slide unless things started to get out of hand.

After the song and all the breasts were tucked back where they belong, guys in the audience started yelling for Rodney to sing the song again.

Sorry but you'll have to buy a ticket to tomorrow's show.

The man's a financial genius and he was funny too.  It was raunchy so if you don't like the "F" word and lots of jokes about sex, this is not the show for you.  If those kinds of jokes appeal to you and you want to see woman showing their breasts, you might just want to take this one in.

Showtime: Ted Nugent

Ted Nugent made it very clear that he's a firm believer in killing things.  Animals, people, bad guy, guitars, what ever.  If you can shoot a a gun or a bow at it, then go for it.  He had plenty of firearms up on stage and a red/white/blue bow that he used to shoot a flaming arrow into a guitar.

He offered free machine guns to any "pussy" in the audience, meaning women, not wimps. 

It was the most that I have ever heard the word "poontang" in a 2-hour block.

I was the big winner again with all the drunks that thinking that rock and roll means that there are no rules being on my side.  My guys were busy trying to keep people dressed and near their seats and off the banisters.  Our Concert Hall isn't a typical free for all that I guess these people are used to.  It's a Concert Hall with assigned seating and where we follow the fire codes and where everything we do or don't do is on surveillance.

Ted thinks our soldiers are doing a great job of killing the bad guys and that they should just keep on blowing things up.  He loves watching our soldiers blow bad guys up.

I couldn't help but wonder how much of it was for publicity.  I was told that Ted has continued to be famous not because of his music but because he's a hunter and a gun advocate.  Maybe he really is an uber-redneck but part of me thinks that it's all part of the act.

I'll leave you with this piece of culinary advice from Ted:

You can't grill it untill you kill it.