Chronicles: Alan B. Rowley II - Success Warrior - ECoach - P90X

Showin' Off the Spidey Whiteys

Trey is in training, potty training.  Really, I don't know what training we're doing.  Now that he's made the decision to do it, he's just doing it.

Tuesday, Tia bought him some new Spiderman underwear as a reward for how well he's been doing.  He's on this Spiderman kick lately and absolutely loves them. 

He thinks their so cool that he has been showing them to everyone.  He just walks up to people and yanks down his pants to show them Spiderman.  I've had to explain the people what they are supposed to take notice of.

"Cool Spiderman underwear," they say, which encourages him to show the next person.

His youthful exuberance and joy is fun to watch.  So fun in fact, that the next time I buy myself some new underwear, I'm going to go around showing them to people to capture the feeling.

"Check out my Spiderman underwear!  Wanna see Venom?"

Success Warrior Diet Program: P90X Journal (Cruise Plan Days 103 - 102)

Disclaimer: P90X is tough and you should be in decent shape before going all out using this system.  You could certainly use P90X to get fit but listen to your body and only do what you can.  This is *my* journal and I do not advocate that anyone do what I'm doing.  Some of it is probably very foolish and you should do your own research and/or consult with a doctor before doing crazy stuff like this.

Day 103 - Turbulence Training Beginner Workout A started my day.  The dumbbell squats were easier this time.  Not easy, but easier.  I'll increase the weight if they get too easy.

My abs don't hurt at all.  I thought for sure I would be in pain after doing two 20-minute ab workouts.  Maybe I was doggin' it during the workouts.  Nah.  I was working my abs.  Maybe tomorrow.  The second day is always the worst.

That's why doing resistance training 3 times a week, alternating between upper body and lower body works so well for a lot of people.  You get 3 to 4 days to heal up the muscles you used before you hit them again.  One week you would work upper body on Monday and Friday and Legs/Abs on Wednesday.  The next week you would do Legs/Abs on Monday and Friday and upper body on Wednesday.  To round it out, you could do cardio on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday.  Sunday would be an active rest day with easy walking or stretching.

Clay Walker and Carlos Mencia

Last weekend I saw (and heard, I should point out) Clay Walker and Carlos Mencia and Carlos Mencia (he did two shows).

Clay, I apologize if you're reading this but there are few musical genres that I like less than Country music.  One of those that I do happen to like less than Country music is Country Chick music.  To his credit, he did pick up the pace around the fifth song.  Very lucky for me.  I had the belt around my neck and strapped to the balcony railing and was just stepping over to end it all when the drummer kicked in, jolting me out of the depressive-hypnosis I was under.  From there, he switched back and forth so that none of the guys in the audience overdosed on chick music.

Normally, I'm not one of those guys that takes a drink of Sprite with no syrup in it, winces back yelping, "This tastes nasty!" then hands the glass to the next person and says, "Here tries this."  I just don't feel the need to do that.  I don't need a second opinion on pop with out syrup or carbonation and I don't like to make people suffer just because I did.  In the case of Country Chick music though, I have to say, "This sounds nasty.  Listen to this."

Read on though and let me share the silver lining.

Success Warrior Diet Program: P90X Journal (Cruise Plan Days 105 - 104)

Disclaimer: P90X is tough and you should be in decent shape before going all out using this system.  You could certainly use P90X to get fit but listen to your body and only do what you can.  This is *my* journal and I do not advocate that anyone do what I'm doing.  Some of it is probably very foolish and you should do your own research and/or consult with a doctor before doing crazy stuff like this.

I've decided to update my P90X journal 3 times a week instead of 2 because that is apparently why most readers come to this blog. 

Day 105 - I weighed myself (yes, myself, of course myself but I haven't figured out another way to say this) this morning.  I gained a pound this week.  Typical for me when starting a weight training program.  The same thing happened the first time I did P90X so this one lonely pound didn't even get a grimace out of me.  It's all part of how things work for my body.  This is Week #3 so I'm sure that fat will start melting off my body.

I did the Turbulence Training  Beginner Workout B.  The dumbbell squats were the hardest part for some reason.  I do like the workout though.  It's all supersets so I get to switch from one exercise to the next.  I take a very short break and do the next two.  Very nice for my personality (disorder).

Walking: 3.41 miles (all between midnight and 4:30 am).

Me-Me Monday: Stuff You Probably Don't Care About

Here's a meme I've seen on a few different blogs.  The last one being on Sister Mary Lisa's blog.

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Yes.  I was named after my father.  My son is named after me and my daughters have my initials.  I haven't decided if that's cool or pretty darn freaky.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Well, let me go check in my cry diary and see when that was.  What the hell?  I have no freakin' idea.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? I suppose that it suits its purpose.  If it I didn't like it, I would change it.  It's a weird collection of print, cursive, and special characters, mixed within sentences and sometimes within a single word.  I do prefer to type though because sometimes even I have a hard time reading what I wrote.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Chicken breast.  No bread or anything else.  Just the chicken.

5. HAVE YOU ANY CHILDREN? No.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Probably. We have a lot in common.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Never.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? I haven't look lately so I can't be sure.  There was that one morning where I woke up in a bathtub full of ice but I still had my kidneys so I'm not really sure what that was all about.  My mom threatened to have them taken out when I was a kid because I had strep throat so much.  Maybe she drugged me and followed through on her threat.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Yes, if my attempt to disarm the guy holding a gun on me failed, I might jump to avoid being shot.  Avoid being shot until the stupid rubber band brought me back up so the guy had a second chance, and third, and fourth. 

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Never eat the stuff.  I used to like Honey Grahams but the last time I ate them (7 years ago, - yes, as a matter of fact, I do have a cereal diary, why do you ask? - ), I got incredibly sick.  It appears that one needs a gall bladder in order to eat Honey Grahams.  I was fine with them before but after was not pretty.

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Yes, now that the 80's are over.  I was one of those guys that wore high tops unlaced.  Not sure what that was all about.

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? I suppose it's all relative.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Only eat it a couple of times a year and I let Tia and Trey pick.  They usually pick ice cream sandwiches.

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Body condition.  I size up their physical threat to me and those around them.  If they do look like it would be hard to take them out, I look for possible weaknesses, just in case.

15. RED OR PINK?  Blue.

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?  My poor memory.

17. DOG OR CAT PERSON?  Dog, of course.  Dog meaning a canine animal that you do not have to bend your knees in order to pet.  Anything smaller might as well be a cat.

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE YOU KNOW TO DO THIS MEME?  Yes.  In fact, I'm going to write my congressman about getting a bill put in place that would require everyone with computer access to do this meme.  The bill will also include language that would give everyone internet access.

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?  Gray pants.  Black shoes.  Why do you ask?  I have changed clothes since knocking off the c-store if you were trying to trick me into giving you a matching description.

20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?  Chicken breast and an apple.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?  The voices in my head all yelling out different answers to these questions.  Sometimes it's hard to pick and I usually go with the one that sounds the most threatening.

22. IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?  The one that best suit the purpose at hand.

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?  Rain.

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU SPOKE TO ON THE PHONE?  Either my wife or my assistant.  They call the most so odds are on them.

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO MADE YOU DO THIS STUPID MEME?  Of course, or I wouldn't have listed her at the top.

26. WHICH SPORT DO YOU ENJOY WATCHING MOST?  NFL.

27. HAIR COLOR?  Whose?  Mine is brown if that's what you're asking.

28. EYE COLOR?  Brown or green or gray depending on the weather, my mood, and my clothes.

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACT LENSES?  No.

30. FAVORITE FOOD?  A tender, medium rare steak grilled on my barbeque, eaten on a warm summer evening with my wife.

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?  If you mean happy endings like certain massage therapists give, I'd have to go with that.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?  Half of Big Trouble in Little China.  "Like Jack Burton always says . . ."  Why half?  See answer #39.

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?  Gray.  Are you doing some kind of psyche evaluation on me?

34. SUMMER OR WINTER? Spring.

35. HUGS OR KISSES?  Hugs are nice but it really depends on the parts of the body that are being kissed.

36. FAVORITE DESSERT?  Some of those x-rated kisses.

37. DAWN FRENCH OR CAROL BURNETT?  What kind of choice is that.  I pick Elizabeth Hurley.

38. SPAGHETTI OR LASAGNA? TACOS OR BURRITOS? HAMBURGERS OR HOT DOGS? Spaghetti, tacos, and hamburgers.  Not usually all in the same meal.

39. WHAT BOOK(S) ARE YOU READING NOW?  I'm in the middle of about half a dozen books.  Did I mention that I have attention deficit - look something shiny.

40. WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? My mouse.

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?  Nothing.

42. FAVORITE SOUND?  Rain.

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Beatles.

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?  About 30,000 feet. 

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?  See questions 35 and 36.

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?  Puerto Rico.

47. WHY DO YOU DO MEMES?  Ironically, I started doing them because they would supposedly give my brain a break but I have found that to not be true.

48. BOXERS OR BRIEFS?  Briefs.  I like my stuff to stay right where I put it.  I don't want to go hunting around when I'm trying to pee.  "I know I left it here somewhere."  Just to complete the whole "what your clothes say about you" thing, the ones I'm wearing while typing this are gray.

49. CANDLES OR INCENSE?  It depends on what kind of lead I think I need ahead of the arson investigator.

50. MOUNTAIN CABIN OR BEACH HOUSE?  How about a mountain cabin near the beach?  Why limit myself?

Success Warrior Diet Program: P90X Journal (Cruise Plan Days 109 - 106)

Disclaimer: P90X is tough and you should be in decent shape before going all out using this system.  You could certainly use P90X to get fit but listen to your body and only do what you can.  This is *my* journal and I do not advocate that anyone do what I'm doing.  Some of it is probably very foolish and you should do your own research and/or consult with a doctor before doing crazy stuff like this.

Day 109 - I started out the day with P90X Shoulders and Arms.  Shoulders, bi's, tri's.  Shoulders, bi's, tri's.  You hit one muscle group, then the next, then the next, and then do all three exercises again.  I really like this DVD and I hope it does some good for my arms. 

I think my best muscle group is my calves and my worst is my arms.  I think I'll really try to blast my arms in the last month before the cruise to see if I can get them to look a little bit muscular.

In the afternoon, I did the P90X+ Kenpo Cardio workout.  I was a sweaty mess by the time I was done.  Salty sweat was stinging my eyes.  I tried to wipe it away with my shirt but it didn't seem to do any good.  There is a reason why Tony Horton suggests that you get some water and a towel before pressing play.  Next time I'll have a towel on hand.

Some of the moves were a little awkward for me because I do my martial arts a little bit differently but all that matters is that you keep moving and keep putting out effort.  You could put any cardio DVD in and just start hopping around throwing punches and you would get a good workout if you put enough effort into it.  Following a DVD just keeps a person moving and motivated.

Walking: 3.05 miles.

Snippet Saturday - Poop, Chocolate, and Getting It Way Up

Fiber has nothing on Blues Clues stickers and Reese's Crunch Bars.  At least not when it comes to target motivation for a 3 year old.  Trey has resisted potty training until we found this magic formula.  Now he's in the bathroom more than a teenage boy with a Playboy.  He loves earning the stickers and we let him put them all over the calendar.

Speaking of Playboys, I recently read an article that stated that eating blackberries and dark chocolate helps keep men "strong like bull".  I told my wife to be on the lookout for any dark chocolate candy bars with blackberries.  Might as well combine them.  The study did say that the good stuff in these foods helps with all blood flow and that just about anything that helps with body blood flow will also help with manhood blood flow.  Exercise was one of those things that could benefit both.   

Speaking of strong like bull, a study has shown that taking anti-impotence medication can help pilots fly at high altitudes.  It helps keep the blood oxygenated in some way and is something to keep in mind if you are going to try to be part of the 10 mile high club. 

(Should this guy to the right be wearing gloves?  I don't know about you but if my job was collecting bull semen, I'd be wearing a full body condom with super strong ass-covering - to make sure the semen wasn't collected in the wrong place).

Christians, Help the Children!

This email snuck past my spam filter the other day.  I took that as a sign from god that I was supposed to read the email and that I was supposed to share it with my readers.  Here it is:

DONATION FOR THE LORD
From: Mrs. Monica Tema


PLEASE ENDEAVOUR TO USE IT FOR THE CHILDREN OF GOD.I am the above name person from Sierra-Leone. I am married to Dr Ebenezer Tema who worked with Sierra Leonian Embassy in South Africa for nine years before he died in the year 2001. We were married for eleven years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days. Before his death we were both born again Christians and we lived happilly. Since his death, I decided not to re-marry.

When my late husband was alive he secured $15Million (Fifteen Million U.S. Dollars) with financial institution here in Cote D'Ivoire. Presently, this money is still with the financial institution. Recently, my Doctor told me that from all the test conducted on my health, I am not going to last long, expecially, due to my cancer and stroke. But what disturbs me most now is stroke.

Having known my condition, I decided to donate this fund to churches or Christian individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct. I want a church or individual that will use this money to fund churches, Orphanages and Widows. Also, the propagation of the work of God, building and maintaining the house of God through this money, is very important.

The Bible made us to understand that Blessed is the hand that giveth. I took this decision because I don't have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not Christians. I don?t want my husband's hard earned money to be misused by unbelievers, for their own selfish interest and in an ungodly manner. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bossom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace.

I don't need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health, and because of the presence of my husband's relatives around me sometimes. I don't want them to know about this development, but I know that With God all things are possible.

As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the Financial institution in Ivory coast. I will also give you all information regarding the deposit of this money. I will also issue you a letter of authority that will empower you as the original- beneficiary of this fund. I want you and your church to always pray for me because God work in misterious ways. My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. Who ever that wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and truth. Please always be prayerful all through your life.

Any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing for a church or christian individual for this same purpose. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated herein. Hoping to hear from you soon.

Remain blessed in the name of the Lord.

Yours in Christ,
Mrs Monica Tema

Poor Monica needs help and trusts me to give all $15 million to the kids and not keep any for myself.  That's too big of a temptation for me so I didn't respond but I thought it was my duty to pass this along so that the $15 million doesn't go to waste or get used up by her greedy relatives.

God Punished Sinners Today

Donna's Ranch is a brothel in Wells Nevada, about 40 miles to the west of here.  Someone was asking me what it looked like the other day.  I didn't know the answer.  I still don't know the answer.  I checked the website to see if they had any pictures for my post but their site didn't have any pictures of the brothel.  There were a couple of pictures of independent contractors but the question wasn't about what the women looked like. 

Anyway, Wells is a small place and has probably been able to fly under god's radar with King George acting as a distraction.  It's probably hard for god to tear his eyes away from the action when W is killing hundreds of thousands of people in god's name. 

God probably took a quick look around on his way back from the fridge with a beer and caught Donna's out of the corner of his eye.  He unleashed a quick bolt of power before settling back down on the couch to watch more man made death and destruction.

I was sitting here reading email when god released a bit of pent up energy on Wells.  My computer desk started to shimmy, then shake, then sway.  The house followed suit and I headed for the hallway in case things started falling off walls, I could start the rescue operation on my family. 

A 6.3 earthquake centered very close to Wells caused propane tanks to explode in Wells and skyscrapers in Salt Lake City to sway.  I haven't gone out and looked to the west to see if I can sees smoke in case I would be turned into a pillar of salt.

Experts say that Utah is an earthquake time bomb and that it's just a matter of time before a hellacious quake wreaks havoc there.  That's probably why they are trying so hard to keep gambling and prostitution out of the state. 

I haven't heard if Donna's was damaged.  God is known for his shotgun approach to punishment though so there is probably lots of collateral damage.  Good god-fearing people who take no part in the selling of flesh probably had structural damage done to their properties. 

There have been some smaller after shocks since then, one while I was typing this post (3 hours after the initial quake). 

I think we must be in the end of days although if there was a guy being serviced by Donna's at a quarter after six this morning, he probably thinks she's got quite the gift.

For those that are curious, I have included the Menu from Donna's.  Call for prices.

Appetizers: Sensual breast massage Lingerie show Power shower for 2 Very naughty dancing Vibrator fun me or you	Ala Carte: Hot and cold french/blowjob Jacuzzi warm up XXX movies with me Hot oil massage - can I use my tongue?
Entrees: Straight Lay me or you on top 1/2 and 1/2 party blow job first? Reversed 1/2 and 1/2 What fantasy can I fulfill for you? 69 party 2 can play at that game Bondage fun - all tied up baby	Donna's Specials: Jungle Room party with extras Sex swing and hot tub fantasy room Let me and my girlfriends make your wishes cum true! 2 or more girl party!!! 2 can be more fun than one
All Night Long: Book me all night long and get the VIP treatment you deserve!	Desserts Chocolate breast sundae Whipped cream fun Pie!!!

Success Warrior Diet Program: P90X Journal (Cruise Plan Days 112 - 110)

Disclaimer: P90X is tough and you should be in decent shape before going all out using this system.  You could certainly use P90X to get fit but listen to your body and only do what you can.  This is *my* journal and I do not advocate that anyone do what I'm doing.  Some of it is probably very foolish and you should do your own research and/or consult with a doctor before doing crazy stuff like this.

Day 112 - I'm going to skip ahead a bit and then come back to day 112.  By the end of day 110, I was wiped out for some reason.  By 8pm, I was pretty much done for the day and in the mood to do nothing but sit.  My wife checked to see if Cold Case was on TV, a show that she likes.  It wasn't going to be on until 9pm.  There was no way I was going to be awake for that.

On the channel that Cold Case was going to be on was Bones.  Have you seen this show?  I have.  Once.  This night.

They say that people burn fewer calories watching TV than if they just sit and think.  Watching TV shuts down the brain and the body.  I don't think I fall into this category because I don't stop thinking and I don't stop moving.

For those of you that didn't have the wonderful opportunity to see this show last night, here's a quick recap.  Bones (the redhead in the picture) looks at bones and helps her stud FBI partner (the not-redhead in the picture) solve crimes.  She has a team of young geeks that help her out back at the lab while she works in the field.  In last night's episode, she traveled to Washington state to figure out who killed a person who had their hand cut off and fed to a bear. 

Here's a quick list of the characters that we saw.  You'll need this information for my next point.  Bones, FBI stud, 3 lab geeks, FedEx girl, Charlie the overnight guy, sheriff, park ranger, town doctor, and a veterinarian.

Halfway through the show I ask my wife if she finds it odd that not a single person on the show has a boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/crush/etc.  Every single person in the show is, uh, single and unattached.  I wonder what demographic this show is aimed at.  I don't think I'm in it.

Also halfway through the show and shortly after my comment was a commercial for some drug that helps with restless leg syndrome.  There must be something subliminal in this commercial because my legs immediately started moving all around.  My wife found it annoying but I was having a good time.

Then I heard the side effects.  Sex addiction (well, okay, could be worse), gambling addiction, and nausea.  Wonderful.  Just what I want to do is go puke on a slot machine. 

"Hey, look, my legs aren't moving."

"Yes, that's nice but it would have been nicer if they would have moved you to the toilet before you puked on our machine."

"Yeah, but my legs aren't moving.  How cool is that?"

So that was my foray into the world of TV so far this year.  I can probably wait a couple more months before going back for a second dose.  Speaking of second doses, I realized a couple weeks ago that I ate at McDonald's twice in 2007 (got sick both times which cured me of ever going back).  I think we ate at Arby's once and Taco Bell once.  Unless something bizarre happens, I'll bet I eat less fast food this year.

Back to the journal: